Fast X (2023)
SHOULD I SEE IT?
YES
Jason Momoa. He singlehandedly keeps this movie watchable.
There are loyal Fast & Furious fans who will never care one bit how bad these movies are, how nonsensical they have become, or how much of a vanity project this is for Vin Diesel. Sir. Madam. The line starts just over there.
Cars go boom. Guns go bang. Fire is hot and explosions are loud.
NO
Just don’t. Make a better choice. Fast X has no regard for you or your interest in its movie.
Feels like it was created by a child who likes to blow stuff up, break things, and has no idea of the consequence or ramifications of those actions.
Cars go boom. Guns go bang. Fire is hot and explosions are loud.
OUR REVIEW
The next #1 movie in the world is Fast X, landing in theaters as the tenth entry in the Fast & Furious franchise, and the 11th film overall attributed to the series. 22 years after the first film was released in 2001, these Fast & Furious films continue to draw audiences and inexplicably become worldwide sensations.
But let’s get real.
For every dismissive wave of a hand or begrudging “Yeah, but…” I have offered, or you have perhaps offered to friends in defense of these things, Fast X is maybe the worst of the bunch. We all have limits. I know I’ve reached mine (and yes, I have watched the first four films in this series).
Written, it seems, from the mind of an 8-year-old who likes to build LEGO cars and smash them together at high rates of speed, Fast X is mind-numbing in its absurdity - which says a lot because we flew a Pontiac Fiero up to the International Space Station in 2021’s F9. This film, at times, is every bit as painful to a viewer as stepping on those LEGOs, which end up scattered all over the floor and become embedded deep into your feet.
We will talk about Jason Momoa shortly - the one saving grace in this whole debacle. With a price tag of $340 million (and yes, you read that number correctly), much of which is spent to satiate Vin Diesel’s colossal ego, Fast X is aggravating in how much this thing seems to exist to serve an audience of one. The audience who actually paid to watch the film? Afterthoughts. We don’t matter. Not really.
Diesel is unwatchable throughout Fast X. And if the constant references to “family” amid melodramatic musical interludes set to claptrap dramatic dialogue are now supposed to be a “nod and wink” to the criticisms of previous films - the joke isn’t funny. Except maybe to Vin Diesel.
How else do you explain a scene where Diesel’s Dom Toretto is literally turned halfway toward a picture hanging on a living room wall, his muscled-up arm fully aglow in “natural” lighting, while he mumbles about the importance of “family” and all it means to him. Half his lines are delivered with his eyes barely open or closed. Sleeves are apparently Diesel’s kryptonite, his arms flexed and chiseled and positioned perfectly in front of the camera for every scene.
Did I mention that Diesel reportedly came in out of shape for the shoot, could not remember his lines, and was often late to the set? This is apparently what led to long-time Fast & Furious director Justin Lin departing the project one week after shooting started. And so: Lin leaves early on. Diesel’s guns are on display for 140-plus minutes (no sleeves!). He says no more than 4-5 words at a time and almost all of his action sequences involve him sitting in a car.
Well, he showed them! Literally.
There are so many people in Fast X, and so many meandering subplots, the film feels incomprehensible. Director Louis Leterrier, presumably brought in because he has managed ensembles in films like Now You See Me and Clash of the Titans, feels like little more than a “yes man” for whatever Diesel wants to see on screen. He loses command of his film very quickly and the screenplay by Dan Mazeau (with Lin getting essentially a posthumous credit for all the work done prior to his departure) goes absolutely nowhere.
Is there where I mention Mazeau is rewriting the script for Diesel’s next film? Surely a coincidence.
We flashback to scenes from Fast Five in 2011, which admittedly reinvigorated this franchise for a few years. When the faction successfully took down drug lord Hernan Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida), we were all apparently unaware that his son Dante (Momoa) was right in the thick of it all and has grown increasingly despondent over the death of his father and end of the family business. Now, more than a decade later, Dante has amassed enough wealth, guns, ammo, and all-terrain vehicles to come running and gunning for Dom and his crew.
Momoa is off the rails in the film and makes this thing watchable, if only for how bizarre and unpredictable he is. He is a fan of ballet, paints his nails, and launches terrorist attacks on Rome in broad daylight. Dubbed as “flamboyant” and “androgynous” in press notes and interviews, Momoa is truly unlike any villain you have seen in quite some time. Unless you’ve seen The Joker. In all fairness, Momoa is hilarious, crazy, and entertaining as hell in this, so let’s just forget that some iterations of The Joker have done similar schtick in other films. To everyone’s credit, they let Momoa cook here and thankfully, for all of us, Diesel apparently finds that just as entertaining as audiences will.
Without Momoa in Fast X, we have a loud, senseless movie that labors on screen. Charlize Theron as the dastardly Cipher and Michelle Rodriguez as Dom’s wife, Letty, beat each other up, going through glass tables and glass walls with nary a rip or tear of skin. Chris “Ludacris” Bridges and Tyrese Gibson bag on each other nearly the entire film with contrived, anodyne putdowns. Helen Mirren shows up to talk about (you guessed it…) family. Brie Larson (yay!) shows up for a couple wasted scenes (boo!). Jason Statham’s badass fighting machine, Deckard Shaw, is here for a minute.
Rita Moreno shows up as Dom’s grandmother, praising Dom for his commitment to (checks notes…) his family. Alan Ritchson (“Reacher”) plays Aimes, the new leader of “The Agency” who has taken over for Dom’s former colleague, Mr. Nobody. John Cena is back as Dom’s brother Jakob, crashing cars and letting his nephew, and Dom and Letty’s young son Brian (Leo Abelo Perry), literally murder people by shooting cars into smithereens with Jakob’s “cannon car.”
And wait. Is that Pete Davidson?
Fast X is exhausting. This globe-trotting endeavor feels like it exists to simply keep Diesel relevant (and honestly maybe that’s true for some other cast members as well). From a technical standpoint, the action sequences are shot impressively, but the novelty has long since run its course. Where we used to laugh at the audacity of the action stunts these films attempted, we now laugh at the idiocy of it all.
With a bunch of new cast members added and reports that this could be the first part of a three-part finale, Fast X indicates there are no signs of slowing to a stop anytime soon. Even as the film ends seemingly in mid-thought, dangling a cliffhanger, with a mid-credits scene that feels desperate by design, there is next to nothing here to entice someone to come back for a “Fast Eleven,” or “Fast XI,” or Fast X - Part 2,” or whatever we are calling the sequel.
CAST & CREW
Starring: Vin Diesel, Jason Momoa, Michelle Rodriguez, Jason Statham, Tyrese Gibson, Chris Bridges, Nathalie Emmanuel, Charlize Theron, John Cena, Leo Abelo Perry, Sung Kang, Alan Ritchson, Rita Moreno, Helen Mirren, Brie Larson, Scott Eastwood, Luis Da Silva Jr., Daniela Melchior, Joaquim de Almeida, Pete Davidson
Director: Louis Leterrier
Written by: Dan Mazeau, Justin Lin
Based on characters created by: Gary Scott Thompson
Release Date: May 19, 2023
Universal Pictures